I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize