i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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