Just fell off a train. Bad.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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