so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
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Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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