yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
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That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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