We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
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just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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