Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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