okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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