i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize