There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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