Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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