I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize