dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You are the jesus of drinking
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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