Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
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Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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