Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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