you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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