You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My penis needs a shock collar
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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