is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize