How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize