and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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