His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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