He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize