I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize