hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
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the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
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She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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