Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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