Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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