In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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