It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
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I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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