Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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