dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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