I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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