I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
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As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
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I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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