i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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