There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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