i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize