how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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