im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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