what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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