it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
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advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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