when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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