Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize