? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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