made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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