There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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