so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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