1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
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i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
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Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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