I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
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I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
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He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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