you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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