I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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