She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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